Dear Past,

My actions are a direct result of your actions. Call them reactions if you will. I don’t know what it is you expect me to say. Everything is dead; my heart, my soul, my feelings; everything. I’ve tried to sit back and look at things from different angles. See whether or not things could be worked out in some way, shape or form. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s truly over.

I want to be sorry. I want to say I feel bad, but that would be a lie. Every effort I put into that relationship was overlooked. Every single things I tried to do to better us as a family or myself as a person, was overlooked. You took my kindness for weakness an ran with it. Sadly, it turned into weakness after awhile and I stopped fighting. I started to give up and that it not the person I want to be. That is not the person that I am.

I really felt for awhile now that if I was able to forgive you than maybe we could move forward. Maybe we could start over and leave the past where it belongs. But I’ve come to the conclusion that all is forgiven. I have actually forgiven you for beating my soul into the ground. The problem is, I cannot forget. I look at you and I remember. I look at you and I hurt. One can forgive but never forget. And right now, forgetting is impossible.

Whether or not you want to believe the reasons behind not being with you, does not concern me. You no longer concern me. I feel that at this point in my life, I do not need a reason or explanation; it just is. Now you can accept this like a man, or you can accept this and continue to be an infant. Either way, you have no other choice but to accept it. It is what it is. And it is over.

*tosses mic*

Dear You,

It’s my fault for liking you. I see that now. But it’s your fault for making me admit to such a thing. I was more content with holding it in because I already knew the outcome…but your insistency made me, for a short minute, think otherwise. And boy, that short minute turned into an hour and by the end of it I’ve said all the things I wish I never had.

You indecisiveness with your own life, I cannot fault you for. But I can fault you for subconsciously knowing that you would not be with me, but still actively pursuing me. Its fine I guess, because it’s all a game in the end. Someone wins, someone loses, and the loser always gets hurt. And in the end, it is not you who are hurting, it is I.

I’m going to contradict myself here and base my opinion on assumption. But how can I call it assumption when it’s so blatantly clear? Debate me on that one. Call me wrong for writing you this letter, because I’m sure you know who you are. But I feel as if there really isn’t anything left to say but a bunch of broken words. And who needs anymore of those in their life.

*throws mic*

Dear Assumption,

What is it about you that causes you to assume so? I feel your lack of experience brings you to this point, but who am I to assume?

I feel if something great was staring you in the face, you'd dismiss it. Pass it by because it doesn't fit into the picture of your perfect future, and you'd assume there would be no way it could possible fall into place.

Making decisions based on assumptions just doesn't seem right to me (or anyone for that matter) but hey, I aint mad atcha. Just know that a great thing passed you by. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding my life, I (myself, me, Ashley) could have given your soul something it secretly lacks.

But that assumption of misunderstanding an the decision based off of that will deliver regret to your door, but by that time, I'll be long gone. And you'll be okay with that, but you'll forever wonder. I promise you that.

Your Truly,
The one that passed you by.

*drops mic*

Dear Music,

I remember falling in-love with you at an early age. I recall the times, the places, the events that made me cry, the time in which I spent with a person with whom I looked up to. My dad always meant a lot to me. My humor comes from him but unfortunately so does my want of constant attention.

I resented my dad for not being with my mom and when he made the decision to get married and move down south, I resented him even more. Life without him was seemingly the same but secretly not. I would hear James Brown, MJ, The temptations ect… and get emotional. I stayed away from music.

Granted I play the guitar, violin, big fan of lyrics…but still it wasn’t the same. The passion was no longer there.

I recently met someone who made me realize the memory associated with music is okay, embrace it, it’s making you who you are. I slowly began to fall back in love with music the way I once was. My attention to detail became sharper; my love for knowing where your sample came from came back. Music was back in my life. And I have him to thank for that.

Your words mean too much to not mean anything at all.

Thank you.

*drops mic*